A new baby is wonderful news. For the child who was there first, it can also feel like the whole world just tilted. Their routines change, their grown-ups are suddenly tired and busy, and there's a tiny person getting a lot of the attention they're used to having.
Here's how to help your toddler or preschooler get ready, and how to support them once the baby is home.
What to expect
Some big feelings and setbacks are completely normal. Psychologist Dr. Brenda Volling's review of research on firstborn children found that many show changes after a sibling arrives: more clinginess, more tears, testing limits, or slipping back in skills like potty training or sleeping alone. These usually ease with time, patience, and steady connection.
Knowing this ahead of time helps. Regression isn't a sign that you've done something wrong. It's often a child's way of saying, "Do you still see me?"
Before the baby arrives
Share the news at the right time
Young children have a hazy sense of time, so many families wait until the pregnancy is visible or the second trimester to tell toddlers. Connect the timing to something they understand: "The baby will come when it's cold outside" or "after your birthday."
Keep it simple and honest
Tell them what babies are really like: they cry, sleep a lot, can't play yet, and need lots of help. Kids who expect an instant playmate can be disappointed. Board books about new siblings are a great way to talk about it together, and they can read them again and again.
Make big changes early
If your child is moving to a new bed or room, starting preschool, or potty training, try to do it a few months before the baby comes, or wait until well after. That way, the change isn't tied to being "replaced."
Make a birth day plan they know
Tell your child who will take care of them when it's time for the baby to be born, and practice it. A familiar plan makes a big, uncertain day feel safe.
The first meeting
A few small touches help the first meeting go well:
- Have your arms free when your older child walks in, so you can hug them first.
- Let them meet the baby at their own pace.
- Some families give a small gift "from the baby" to help the big sibling feel celebrated.
Once the baby is home
Protect one-on-one time
Even 10 to 15 minutes a day of special time, just you and your older child, doing something they choose, can make a big difference. Name it and protect it: "This is our time."
Talk about the baby as a person
Psychologists Dr. Judy Dunn and Carol Kendrick found that when parents talked with the older child about the baby's feelings and needs ("Look, she's smiling at you!"), the siblings tended to have friendlier relationships later on. Invite your toddler to notice and help.
Offer helper jobs, not chores
Fetching a diaper, choosing an outfit, or singing to the baby helps your child feel capable and included. Keep it a choice, never a demand.
Welcome all the feelings
If your child says "I don't like the baby" or "Send her back," try not to correct them. Parenting educators Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish recommend acknowledging the feeling instead: "It's hard when the baby needs me so much. You miss having me all to yourself." Feelings that are heard tend to shrink.
Keep everyone safe
Toddlers can be rough without meaning to be. Always supervise young children around a newborn, and teach gentle hands with calm, simple words and lots of practice.
When to get extra help
Most children adjust within a few months. Talk with your pediatrician if your child's distress is intense or getting worse, if regression lasts many months, or if you're worried about aggression toward the baby.
Make it easier for your big kid
Our Big Sibling Gift Bundle comes in Big Brother and Big Sister versions. Each includes a printable new-baby kit with a big sibling book, helper cards, and special time coupons, plus a board book about how baby is growing and a handmade linen crown. Prefer just the printables? The Big Sibling Kit downloads instantly.
This article is educational and isn't a substitute for advice from your child's doctor or a qualified professional.